


Spark of Divinity

by Inorai



Category: Original Work
Genre: Action, Action/Adventure, Adventure, Ancient Egyptian Literature & Mythology, F/M, Fantasy, Goddesses, Gods, High Fantasy, Isekai, Japanese Mythology & Folklore, Modern Era, Mythology - Freeform, Mythology References, Original Mythology, Portal 2 Spoilers, Portals, References to Ancient Greek Religion & Lore, Reincarnation, Slow Romance, Urban Fantasy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-03
Updated: 2020-02-11
Packaged: 2021-02-27 18:59:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22550617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Inorai/pseuds/Inorai
Summary: Life was going great - right up until Tara died.She'd always expected that to be it. Death is final, after all. But when she reaches the afterlife, she's instead presented with a destiny she'd never bargained for. Instead of reincarnating to begin a new life as a human, she's been selected as a candidate for divinity.Lucky her.Thrown into the dubious situation of establishing herself as a fledgling goddess in a cruel, skeptical world, Tara grabs for the only chance she can see. Not everyone will be happy to see her, and not everyone will approve of her smashing through celestial society like a wrecking ball.Giving up means laying down and accepting oblivion, though - and that's something Tara refuses to do. She'll have her birthright, and she'll have her name.And then Terra will rise again.
Kudos: 1





	1. Chapter 1

"Oh, come on. Wake up already."

The tiny, furtive whisper was probably supposed to be inaudible. It was probably something I wasn't supposed to hear. But there, swimming in the darkness with my head feeling like I'd had about ten drinks too many, I heard it all too clearly.

My eyes slid open.

"Oh!" I heard them say, rather more respectfully. "I- That is, uh. Welcome!"

She was young, I saw when I collected myself enough to look down. About my age.

About my age before the truck went skidding out of its lane and tearing across the freeway, that was.

"Where am I now?" I whispered. "I thought I was supposed to get another life."

They'd been very clear, in the classroom where I'd woken up. Reincarnation. Absolute insanity. I wasn't even Buddhist. No one seemed to care, and they certainly hadn't asked my opinion on things. They'd just jammed the test in front of me, moving on to the next human-shaped shade and repeating the ritual.

The young woman leaned away, clasping her hands in front of her. It was bright - and getting brighter by the second. Her blonde hair was braided into intricate loops she'd pinned back neatly. Combined with the glow from the blinding sun, the effect was stunning.

"There's been a bit of a change of plans," she said, inclining her head. "Something's happened."

"What do you mean," I said cautiously. Grief lingered there under the edges of my senses. I'd died. That sucked. But right then, fear was pushing out front, drowning out everything else under its shrieks. "Changed how?"

"It's- It's quite unusual, really," she said, looking down at the clipboard clutched in her arms. "Your scores were- Well, they were exemplary to say the least." She smiled up at me. She'd probably intended the expression to look pleasant. There was too much anxiety lacing the gesture to be anything of the sort.

"You've qualified for Divinity. Congratulations."

I blinked. The world dipped and wove, spinning around and around. With every passing breath, our surroundings took form. Grass appeared under our feet. The brilliant sun overhead faded, exposing the blue sky at last.

"Divinity," I said slowly.

"Yes."

"As in, a god."

"....Yes?" she said.

"Are you asking, or are you telling?"

She sighed at last, shaking her head. "It's not proper, that's all. I...Well. It's not up to me. But there are a number of vacancies of late, and there's no arguing with your results."

"You have to know I didn't take that thing seriously," I said. Part of me screamed to shut up. Divinity, it said. Like, Godhood. What the hell was I doing? What would they do to me if they found out I-

"This isn't a test you can cheat on," she said, arching one eyebrow. "Surely you don't think we'd be as careless as that. The results are clear. You will be a good deity, I'm sure."

"Oh," I said, feeling the blood slowly drain from my face. "Wait. So. What do I-"

"We'll find you somewhere quiet," the woman said, flipping through her pages. "There are a few island nations that have recently undergone some strife. I believe they'd be more than willing to take on a new-"

"What's that?" I said, cutting her off with a raised finger. As the sky cleared, it left a haze in its wake off in the distance. It was difficult to make out with us so far away, but the white blemish on the otherwise-flawless sky was unmistakable.

The woman turned, following my finger - and froze. "D-Don't worry about them," she said, waving a hand at me. "The Greater Gods won't trouble you. Well. Jesus's missionaries might come knocking, but they'll wander off before too long. You've got nothing to worry about."

"So, what," I said, still looking up towards the sky. I'd liked life. I'd liked my job, and my friends, and my pets. I hadn't wanted to die. "I just need to find some godless folks to believe in me?"

The woman paused, furrowing her brow, and glanced back towards me. "Ah...something of the sort, yes."

But whether I'd wanted to die or not, it didn't look like I was going to get a choice. At this stage, I might as well make the most of it. I remembered my life well. The people. The questions they'd had. They'd had religion once. Even if they'd moved on, their hearts would remember. They just needed to be shown how.

That left a young, enterprising deity a lot of room to work with, didn't it?

"What did you say your name was?" I said, looking towards her at last.

She was still watching me, her expression carefully guarded. "You can call me Alice," she said, once again bowing towards me. "I've been assigned to aid you in this adjustment period."

I smiled, hearing my pulse thunder in my ears. I could take her advice, go hide on an island somewhere. I'd probably carve out quite a nice existance there.

But that sounded boring - and there was a bigger prize waiting for me.

"Well, Alice," I said, offering her my biggest, most confident smile. "Let me tell you about my idea, instead."


	2. Chapter 2

[Patreon](https://www.patreon.com/Inorai) \- [Chosen Home](https://www.reddit.com/r/Inorai/comments/7kftvg/chosen_home_page/) \- [Halfway to Home...Home](https://www.reddit.com/r/Inorai/comments/8nwa5t/halfway_to_home_home_page/) \- [Silvertongue Home](https://www.reddit.com/r/Inorai/comments/8won0y/silvertongue_home_page/)

* * *

My declaration hung between us, bold and brassy and filled with a confidence I prayed I could back up.

Alice leaned back on her heels, a strand of hair sliding down from her ear. “Oh? If you’ve got an idea, then it would of _course_ be my pleasure to hear it out.”

I winced. The words were polite enough, and there was still a tiny, pleasant smile on her face, but the first traces of iron settled into her words.

Even still. I straightened, locking eyes with her. “I’m some divine being now, right?”

“You have that potential, yes,” Alice said, her expression growing more doubtful by the second.

“Then why the hell would I want to retreat to some backwater island in the middle of nowhere?”

The young woman, or _angel_ , or whatever she was, just stared back at me. Her fingers tightened around the clipboard she held. And then she sighed. “It would be in your best interest to-”

“How long would I last out there?” I interrupted. “How long would I keep my believers?”

“I’m a-afraid I can’t answer something like that,” Alice said. “That would be up to Fate, I suppose. But surely-”

“Probably until something horrible happens to whatever group I convince to follow me, right?” I said.

There was no mistaking it. A faint red flush climbed Alice’s cheeks. “That would be entirely dependent on your own skills.”

“A century? Two?”

A breeze swept across the grassy plateau we stood on. I held my ground, folding my arms against my chest. The seconds ticked by as Alice squirmed. I took the opportunity, examining my surroundings.

Alice had talked about the _Great Gods_ when I pointed to that distant blip. I’d never heard of anything like that, but, well, I wasn’t born yesterday. I had enough context to piece together what she was probably talking about. _Who_ she was probably talking about.

There were others, though, I saw as I slowly craned my head around. They were little more than mirages, glimmers on the very edge of the horizon, but here and there I could make shapes out. Towers. Mountains. At the very edge of my sight, I could see what looked for all the world like the looming branches of a tree, taller than a skyscraper. Taller than _lots_ of skyscrapers, in fact.

The adrenaline was starting to fade. It couldn’t last forever - and when it dripped out of my veins, only cold exhaustion lay in its wake. Everything… Everything was wrong, wasn't it?

Wherever I was, I was a long way from home. That fact had never been more obvious, and the reality of my situation was starting to sink in.

“It is true that your growth potential would probably be...limited,” Alice said at last, forming each word with careful precision. Her lips curled down in a scowl. “But it isn’t hopeless. It would be safer for you to choose a starting place with a bit of security.”

“Pass, I said, turning back to her.

She stiffened. “Pass?”

My heartbeat thundered. Maybe I was being stupid. Maybe I was being hasty. But I’d _died_. This existence was my new life - and I’d be damned if I let them push me into a corner where I could be swept under the rug and forgotten.

“I don’t want to go, Alice,” I said, wrapping my fingers around my arm. If she saw the tiny quiver that wracked them, she didn’t react. “There are a whole mess of people right here, ready and waiting to believe.” I smiled, a slow, broad expression. “You said there were vacancies. I'm looking for a position. So, I’m staying right here, thanks.”

Alice stared at me. Her eyes were perfectly round, showing the whites. “Don’t be an idiot,” she blurted out. Her hand flew up to cover her mouth in the next second, as though she’d remembered herself.

She shook her head, collecting herself, and let her eyes slide shut. “If you’ll pardon me, mistress, I don’t believe you understand,” she said, more firmly. “The godless here are...not receptive. Gaining any traction will be difficult.” Her eyes slitted back open. I watched her glanced towards the distant, gleaming shape in the sky, her face darkening. “It’s also _their_ backyard. I don’t believe they would want you tromping about like you owned the place.”

So I’d make enemies. I hesitated, weighing the options again. Survival was definitely something I wanted. I wasn't done yet.

But I'd never gotten my break in life, damn it. I'd always looked for it, but it was nowhere to be found.

Turned out all I had to do to find it was die. Perfect.

"I'm sure," I said, forcing myself up to my full height. "Go big or go home, right?"

“Idiot,” she muttered.

“Excuse me?”

“What name would you like to be registered under, then?” she said, snapping back to perfectly-polished without pause.

What was my _name?_ “Ta-”

“Not your human name,” Alice said. She rolled her eyes, letting the clipboard clutched to her chest go slack. “That name is dead now. If you’re to be a divine, then you need something proper for them to call you, yes?”

“Oh,” I said, faltering. “Right.”

The silence dragged out. Alice arched one eyebrow. “Mistress?”

“I’m thinking,” I mumbled. God, this wasn’t so easy, was it?

If I was going to win over the hearts and minds, then I’d have to be a deity. A real one. The difficult of that was starting to rear its head.

I had no creation myth. No stories told about me, no legends to draw from. I wasn’t some heroic individual who could create a cult of personality. In fact, part of the reason there were so many available followers out there for me to ogle contemplatively was because modern religion had...well, it had started falling out of fashion, somewhere along the line.

I couldn’t be _me_. No one would follow Tara, the random, unknown girl who’d gotten herself hit by a truck. I couldn’t exactly bill myself as the creator of the known world, either. Even if it was true, no one would believe me. Anyone I managed to convince of my existence would be labeled a crackpot and waved off. Tara was just-

The idea that had started to spring to life in the back of my mind stretched wider, blossoming.

If people weren’t going to believe in _me_ , then I had to take on something they _would_ believe in. Something I could sway them with. Something they’d be passionate about.

Besides, I’d always loved some good, cold logic and reasoning. I smiled to myself. I didn’t even have to stray too far from what I knew, did I?

“Give me that,” I said, holding my hand out towards Alice.

Her hand jerked involuntarily at my command, but she reined herself in. “What? Have you decided something to-”

“Just give it to me,” I muttered, reaching out and snatching it away from her. She started, her nose wrinkling in distaste, but subsided into an irritated sulk.

The form was surprisingly simple, I saw when I scanned the sheet over. Name. Identity. Type. There were a few check boxes, which I sped through with the same urgency I’d put into filling out the exam.

I didn’t have time for all this paperwork - and I should have known better than to hope it’d end when I died.

A few last scratches with the elegant pen Alice had hooked across the clipboard, and I was done. Mostly. I thrust it back toward her, my lower lip stubbornly set. “There. I got it. There were a few things I wasn’t sure about, but-”

“Let me see,” the young woman said with a sigh, taking the clipboard and fixing me with a tolerant look. Her blue eyes dropped to the form a heartbeat later, scrolling back and forth.

And then she looked back up to me.

“A nature goddess?” she said, giving me a long, hard look.

“I-Is there something wrong with that?” I snapped, clenching my hands even more tightly.

She laughed. The sound was soft, delicate, and derisive enough to make me want to wipe the smug look off my assistant’s face. “Of course not. My apologies, ah….Terra?”

Again she looked at me. This time, though, the humor had faded, leaving her serious.

I nodded, shoving my hands into the pockets of the jeans I wore. I hadn’t been dressed for fashion when that truck decided to go off-roading through my car. Looked like I was stuck with it for the time being. “I don’t like new things. Problem?”

Alice paused, tilting her head to one side. Her lips parted, curling back like she was holding onto something.

“Spit it out,” I said.

“I’m afraid a deity already claims that name,” she said, bowing her head towards me. “I do apologize.”

I frowned. “Yeah, I know the name is a _thing_. That’s why I want it. So I can’t have it?”

She was starting to sweat. It was barely noticeable, just a fine sheen across her forehead, but it gleamed in the brilliant sun. “T-That’s not...necessarily the case.”

“So I can?” I said, beginning to glare. “Spit it out.”

“Only one can have the name at a time,” she said slowly. The flush had abandoned her skin at some point, leaving her pale. “You may have it - but you would have to claim it from her.”

“That Roman goddess, right?” I said, running a hand through my hair. My mind spun all the while. “That’s ancient history.”

“It is true that she’s not exactly _strong,_ ” Alice said slowly. “Even still, I would recommend-”

“Yeah, yeah,” I said, cutting her off. A different name would be easier. But I _liked_ this one. It was mine, sort of. And it was different enough from the usual fare of gods and divinities to stand out. It was younger, somehow.

And I _wanted_ it. This was my afterlife, wasn’t it?

“I’m allowed to make a go for it, aren’t I?” I said, focusing my gaze back onto her.

Alice froze, caught under the intensity of the look I’d sent her way. And then she nodded once. “Yes.”

“Then let’s do this,” I said, forcing a smile. “What next?”

“Is everything here correct, then?” Alice said, holding the form up for me to inspect.

I hardly glanced at it. I’d filled the damn thing out, after all. “Yes.”

“Hand, please.” Her voice was all business, her professionalism back in place.

I stuck my hand out, my brow furrowing. “What do you want my-”

My palm erupted in pain. I yelped, pulling back, but she’d gotten me by the wrist before I could escape.

“Stop that,” she said absentmindedly. “Hold still.”

She’d pulled a knife from somewhere up her perfect grey sleeve, tiny and smooth-bladed. And then she’d _stabbed_ me with it. I glared at Alice, barely restraining myself from throttling her.

The woman didn’t seem to notice. She slipped the form closer, pressing it against my hand without another word. I hissed, wincing at the sharp resurgence of pain.

And then she’d pulled away, leaving a bloody handprint across the words I’d so hastily scrawled. “There. Was that so bad?”

“You could have warned me,” I muttered, grabbing my hand.

To my horror, I saw the cut was already starting to close. That, more than anything, was the sight that shook me to my core. My stomach churned, rebelling against the sight.

“Don’t be a baby,” Alice murmured, pulling a tiny book from the sash on her jacket and beginning to note something down.

“So what now?” I said, shoving my hand under my armpit. I wouldn’t have to look at it there. I’d still know, though. “What’s the plan?”

“You need a prophet,” Alice said, still completely focused on her booklet. She closed it with a sigh a moment later, turning to me. “You saw it on the registration, yes?”

“I remember.” It was one of the spaces I’d left blank. I’d expected Alice to protest. Apparently, it was all part of the process.

She grabbed my wrist, pulling my hand palm-up. I hissed in protest as the half-healed wound pulled.

And then the world around us slowed as light seeped from my palm, flickering to life in green and gold embers. It filled the air around us in the time it took me to gape.

Alice’s hand settled around the back of my head before I could react further. She leaned in, pinning me in place with her gaze.

“Listen carefully,” she said, all attempts at formality abandoned. I let her go on. Something about the look in her eyes said I didn’t have another choice. Not one that would end well for me, anyway.

Not when she looked so worried.

“You need a follower,” she said, inching closer. “Someone to know you exist. Someone to _believe_. Without a one, you’ll fade, and as you are, you’re outside the cycle.”

“So I’ll be gone,” I whispered. I thought I’d been doing well so far. I’d kept my chin up, I’d plowed onward despite the confusion and the fear. Her words shredded that confidence like paper.

“If you don’t want to disappear, then you need to make this work, mistress,” she said, still holding me fast. “So _listen_. Find a follower. Convince them. And then claim your name.” She smiled tightly. “If I were you, I wouldn’t waste time.”

Without another word, her hand slipped free of me. I stumbled away, shaken but fighting to recover my dignity. “I-I got it,” I said, pulling my hoodie back into place. I nodded to myself, letting my thoughts return to my old life.

Someone to believe in me...someone to acknowledge me. I didn’t have all that many acquaintances, and me turning into some sort of divine after my death would probably be completely unbelievable, but… “I think I know someone,” I said, nodding once more. Decisively, I hoped.

Alice smoothed her jacket, coming back to her prim demeanor. “You do?”

“Uh. Yeah. Probably.”

She watched me a moment longer, then sighed. “Very well. Are you ready?”

Was I _ready?_ Fuck, no. Nothing made sense. I was confused, and scared, and the thought that I was dead still hurt in a way I wasn’t prepared to discuss. But was I ready to start doing, instead of talking?

“Yes,” I said, grinning over at Alice. “So what-”

Before I could finish my sentence, the world around us vanished.

In the blink of an eye, the grass was gone. The blue sky blinked out.

All that was left was empty space under my feet - and the blue-and-green globe of the Earth filling my vision, impossibly large and impossibly beautiful.

I’d have appreciated the sight more if I wasn’t falling, plummeting towards it at a thousand miles an hour. I screamed. I’m not proud of it, but I did. People always said there was no sound in space, but either I was close enough to air to get the job done or rules like that just didn’t apply anymore. My arms swung like pinwheels, clawing desperately for anything to cling onto. My feet kicked at the void. Neither found any purchase.

Alone, I fell towards what I knew, _knew_ was going to be my second death.

_Well, shit._


	3. Chapter 3

I fell.

The Earth spun in and out of my vision, circling faster and faster as I tumbled. My arms were out wide, straining for something _anything_ to slow my descent. My throat seared, on fire from the force of my scream. I just couldnt _stop_. Being brave never factored into it - the sight of that green-and-blue ball looming in front of me grabbed hold of a deep, primal part of my mind and refused to let go.

It loomed closer and closer with every spin and flip I made, in fact. I was in _trouble_. After everything, after the truck, I was going to plow into the dirt like a meteor. Could gods and goddesses die? Was that a thing? With the first traces of heat beginning to burn at my skin, the question seemed more relevant than ever.

Ice flooded my veins, surging forward on a sea of adrenaline. The world slowed to a crawl. I was a goddess, wasn’t I? Even falling, I was a divine. That’s what Alice had told me - and that whole scene with the paperwork had been a lot of trouble to go through if she’d just intended on dumping me out to fall to my demise. I’d _seen_ the way the slash in my hand healed, the flesh reaching across to close the gap.

I’d be a hell of a goddess if I died like _this_.

The constant tug of my spinning pushed at my skin, relentless. I forced my eyes closed. Bringing my arms across my chest was one of the most difficult things I’d ever been asked to do. Every fiber of my being shrieked that I needed to fight, to struggle against what was happening.

I gritted my teeth, crossing my arms and holding on tight. My eyes were squeezed shut, holding fast against the pull of momentum.

Breathe in. Hold it. Then breathe out.

I spun faster and faster. My lungs shuddered, aching with every inhalation. The growing air burned at every inch of my exposed skin. Tears streamed down my face, an involuntary reaction to the pain and the wind.

Breath in. Breathe out.

Control. I was a goddess, not just some 20-something hunk of roadkill. I would not tolerate the idea of meeting an end like this. Not again. And if I was a goddess, then the world itself would listen. It had to. If it didn’t, I was dead, and nothing made a difference anyway.

In. Out.

I could see it, with my eyes closed like that. The end I wanted. The way the world would look, when it bent to my command. I could _feel_ the softest touch of warmth against my feet, see the glow of the sun’s light reflecting off the oceans beneath me. I painted each glimmer with my mind’s eye. It was real. I’d make it real.

I sucked one last breath in, wild and fearful and knowing that at any second my concentration would snap.

My shoulders drooped as I let it out, willing the world

to just

stop.

The pressure ceased. My hair fell back into its snarls around my head, hanging limply. Slowly, hesitantly, I let my eyes slide open.

Somewhere below my feet, South America gleamed up at me in waves of green and brown. If I lifted my eyes, fighting against the churning of my stomach, I could just barely make out the curvature of the planet against the black of space.

One last horrifying pang of nausea, and I’d had quite enough of staring out into the void. I let my eyes close again, gasping for breath and struggling to bring myself under control. Little by little, my heartbeat was slowing, but I knew better than to hope for my hands to stop shaking anytime soon.

“You know, that’s better than I expected.”

My eyes snapped back open. I flinched, stepping away from the sound of the woman’s voice. The fact I was walking on thin air didn’t seem to be an issue.

Alice stood alongside me, her arms again folded over her grey jacket.

“What the _fuck_ was that?” I snapped, spitting the words out with the tiny thread of a voice I had left. “W-What the _hell_ did you do?”

“I saw what you put down for the registration form,” Alice said, seemingly completely unbothered by my tone. She cocked one eyebrow, fixing her blue eyes on me. “You want to be all _survival of the fittest,_ hmm?”

I stared at her. For a long moment, words escaped me entirely. And then, all at once, they came rushing back. “Are you saying that was a test?”

She smiled at me - _grinned_. She stood in empty space alongside me, perfectly arranged in perfect contrast to the mess I was, and she _grinned_ at me. “I do apologize, mistress. I simply wanted to assess your-”

“Go to hell. Seriously.”

“You did pass, at least,” she said with a sigh, lifting one hand to pat her perfect golden braids back into place. “I thought you’d get _much_ closer to hitting.”

“What would have happened?” I burst out, unable to contain the questions any longer. “If I hit. If you _let_ me hit. Would-”

“You know, I’m not really sure,” Alice said, pressing a finger to her lips. “I doubt you’d be cognizant enough to render yourself noncorporeal in time, so...Normally, you’d be reborn, after a fashion.”

“ _After a fashion?_ ”

“As you are now, though? Weakened and in a nascent state, without a single believer to your name?” She shrugged lazily. “It’s likely you would have faded away and-”

“Oh, fuck you,” I said, drawing myself up as tall as I could. My feet wobbled, lurching along with the motion. I abandoned the effort just as quickly, hurrying to steady myself.

“Do mind your balance,” Alice said. She’d already gone back to smirking.

Fine. Let her be insufferable. I eyed the continents below me, swallowing over and over again until the taste of bile left my throat. I wasn’t afraid of heights, as such. I didn’t _love_ them, but it wasn’t a crippling fear. But there was a difference between climbing a ladder and standing on thin air, untold thousands of feet up.

 _Focus, Tara._ Even in my own mind, I didn’t sound convincing. I’d stopped myself. Could I do more than that?

It took all of my concentration - but I was gratified when the soft rustle of air started brushing against my hair again. I was moving, gliding through open space. The sensation of it was completely and totally unreal.

Somehow, it made it easier, too. If I focused my attentions forward, fixing my eyes on my goal and not worrying about anything else, it kept me from looking _down_. I was in control, if only a little. I wasn’t helpless.

Within a few seconds of starting my lazy drift across the sky, though, the sound of an exasperated sigh reached my ears. I stopped, glancing back.

Alice was still right there alongside me, her long-legged stride keeping an easy pace with my ungainly wobble.

“Are you planning on following me the whole way?” I said, feeling a bead of sweat drip down the back of my neck. It wasn’t easy, doing this. The thought of doing it with an audience was even less appealing. “Don’t you have somewhere else to be? Unwitting dead people to shuffle off into their new life as rats?”

“That’s all part of the karmic cycle. You shouldn’t make light of it, mistress. It’s not proper.”

I glared. She sighed. “Oh, very well. As I said back in the Sleepless Realms, this is quite unusual. Seeing as this is such an exceptional circumstance, my employers have asked for me to monitor for a while longer.” She smiled. The expression didn’t quite reach her eyes. “It will be my pleasure to accompany you, mistress.”

“Yeah, I’m sure,” I muttered. We drifted another few feet lower. Or a few dozen feet. It was hard to tell, with no real frame of reference. I zeroed in on the distant, familiar point that I knew to be my state. I didn’t want to miss and have to ascend into the skies again, after all.

Alice’s words sank in a moment later. I hesitated, furrowing my brow. “Your employer?”

“That’s what I said, yes.”

“So who do you work for, anyway?” I said, speaking more slowly. Carefully. I’d woken up in that testing room, yes, and it was clear that there was some sort of organization to the whole mess, but truth be told, I still had no idea what was going on. “Who’s making you stay out here? How’s that whole classroom thing work, anyway? Are there-”

“Do stay focused on the task at hand,” Alice said, her voice icy.

I shut up, licking my too-dry lips and putting a bit more attention into my flight. We drifted faster. But there was only so long I could stay quiet and ignore my questions. When I could take her stubborn silence no longer, I looked over. “O-Okay. But, like...does one of the other gods handle this, or something? Is that what those Great Gods you mentioned do? I’m just confused.”

Alice snorted. The expression sounded odd, coming from one as formal as her. “Nonsense. Didn’t I explain this already?”

“Not even a little,” I muttered.

She looked away, wordless. I resisted the urge to add anything else to my comment. She _hadn’t_ said anything. It wasn’t my fault.

“Well, mistress. It’s quite simple,” she said, turning her steely gaze back to me. “I’m an arbiter. Someone must oversee the processing and return of souls, after all.”

“Someone like the gods?” I said, not bothering to keep the skepticism out of my tone. “That seems like their job to me.”

“The souls are theirs to look after in life,” Alice said, flapping a hand dismissively at me. “But the order of things must be observed. And so-”

“You’re here watching over their shoulders.”

Her smile shone perfectly, blindingly white. “Over _your_ shoulders, mistress.”

“Fucking great.” Just what I’d always wanted. A babysitter.

Underneath the irritation and the fear, though, there was a hint of...relief. She might be stuffy, and I still didn't know what an ‘arbiter’ was, but Alice was someone to talk to. She was a person, or at least she _looked_ like a person. So long as she was here, I wasn’t totally alone.

I appreciated that more and more with every second that passed and left me cold, painfully aware that things were changing. If nothing else, Alice would be someone I could pump for information. She’d probably only give me scraps, but scraps were better than nothing.

With that in mind, I opened my mouth, drawing breath to keep questioning her. The second I started trying to formulate the best question to ask that’d glean important information out of this ‘arbiter’, though, my stomach lurched dangerously.

Again, I fell, plummeting through the atmosphere. Again, I caught myself, clapping a hand over my mouth as the taste of acid rose.

The ground loomed up underneath us, cheerfully bright and colorful. It stretched out like a patchwork quill. Somewhere under my feet, I could make out a tiny, white speck. A _house_.

“Nope,” I said, shaking my head violently. “ _No._ ”

“Did you say something?” I heard Alice ask.

I spun, locking my eyes onto the arbiter. “Is there a faster way?”

“Excuse me?”

I jabbed my finger towards the ground. “To get down. I want to be on the ground. _Right now._ Tell me how I do it.”

“Didn’t you want to be independent?” Alice said, clasping her hands in front of her. “When you filled out that form, did you not specify-”

“I’m just making use of the resources I have available,” I said, forcing the words out. “It’s not _wrong_. It’d be stupid to not even ask.”

Again, her smile widened, spreading from ear to ear like a cheshire cat grin. “Correct.”

“Oh my fucking god, if you try and _test_ me one more time, I’m going to-”

“Stop talking, please. You’ll only distract yourself.”

I subsided into a seething mass of irritation, glaring at Alice. She strode briskly forward, sliding one hand onto my shoulder. Before I could pull away, she was behind me.

“Close your eyes,” she said.

“Last time I did this, you dropped me from orbit.”

“I don’t believe we’ll do that again,” she said, her voice rippling with laughter. “Not right now, anyway. We’re on a deadline.”

“So what-”

“Close your eyes.”

I considered arguing. I considered pushing her off, and continuing down through the atmosphere on my own. If she was willing to help me, though, I had to at least try. Biting back a groan, I closed my eyes.

“Do you know where you’re going?” Alice’s voice slipped into my mind, seeping towards me from all directions. Her hands were still planted on my shoulders, holding me in place.

I nodded. “Yeah.”

“Have you been there before?”

“Of course.”

“Don’t get snippy.” Alice’s fingers tightened against my skin. “Do you remember what you did to stop falling?”

I’d just pictured myself stopping, and- “Oh.”

“Oh, good. You’re learning quickly.”

“Be quiet,” I muttered under my breath. She just sounded so _happy_ , like she knew she was on the verge of being freed from her task. I pushed the complaint away as soon as it reared its head up, though. Getting out of the sky and back on the ground was my first concern, not a prissy bureaucrat.

The scene was there, with my eyes closed. The streets danced behind my eyelids, lit by the lamps lining the road. Homes pressed in on either side.

“Good,” I heard Alice murmur. “Hold that image.”

“I get it.” More detail. I needed to know where I was going. I needed to smell the fresh-cut grass, to feel the brush of the evening breeze across my face. When I’d been tumbling out of control, convincing myself I was standing safe and sound and perfectly in control had been the hardest part. Now, I just had to convince myself I was somewhere I wasn’t. Probably.

Dimly, the thoughts in the back of my mind whispered that this was all coming...a bit too easily. The knowledge was all too ready at my fingertips, waiting for me to reach towards it. I wondered if it was my supposed destiny asserting itself, or if Alice was helping me, or if... I stifled an irritated noise, swallowing it before it could emerge. After my chaotic, disorienting fall from the heavens, envisioning that peaceful street was too simple.

The final, infuriating thought as the world faded out around me was that Alice had probably been doing me a favor.

* * *

My eyes snapped open.

For a long, ponderous minute, I focused on breathing, on letting the tension bleed away from my limbs and muscles. There was ground under my feet - wonderful, beautiful concrete, with grass just a few steps away. When I looked up, I saw the familiar haze of the night sky, not an endless, dizzying sea of stars.

“Not bad,” Alice said with a sniff. I jumped. She stood at my side, right where she’d been before. “You’ll have to do it faster, next time. Most of the other divines-”

“Oh, shut up,” I said, glaring at her.

She chuckled. “I suppose you’ll improve with practice. Now. Is this where you intended us to be?”

I glanced around, turning a long, slow circle. It wasn’t necessary. I’d been down these streets a thousand times, back and forth over the prolonged mess of my childhood. It’d been at least a year since I’d made it to this part of the state. I remembered it all the same.

“Yeah,” I said, and I was surprised to find my voice was starting to go hoarse. I told myself it was from all of the screaming I’d done, rather than the sudden surge of emotions that accompanied our new location. But looking around, taking in the houses and businesses and landmarks, I was reminded of the fact that I’d _lived_ here. And I was reminded that I never would again.

“He’s this way,” I said abruptly, making an about face and stalking off in the other direction. “We need to hurry, right?” Unless I wanted to fade out and vanish entirely, that was.

“We do indeed.” Alice kept pace with me admirably well, just a few steps off my shoulder. “Do you know where you’re going?”

“Yep,” I said, praying she’d leave off and stop asking questions.

She hurried up instead, pressing in closer behind me. To my horror, when I glanced back I saw she’d pulled the clipboard out again. I could just make out the bloody handprint obscuring the page as she spun it back into her arms, pulling a pen from her braids and starting to scrawl notes. The brown-black stain didn’t seem to bother her in the slightest.

The pen came to a halt. She looked up, pursing her lips. “And? Have you come up with any ideas?”

Anything good? Probably not. But I couldn’t admit that to her, and one way or another, I was sure I’d figure _something_ out. I fixed her with my biggest, cockiest smile in the meantime, forcing myself to stand straight.

“Watch and learn.”


End file.
